Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
