2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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