Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
