so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
