If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
