I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
