My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
