3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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