I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
