i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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