I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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