you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
