I'm drive I can fine osifer
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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