He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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