Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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