I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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