Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
