Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
