you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
