you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
