I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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