i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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