I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
