He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
