you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
