I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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