Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
