The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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