dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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