I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
