I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He has the fingertips of a God
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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