I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
