I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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