that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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