Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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