yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
