Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
