Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
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Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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