drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
