she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she told me i tasted like america
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
