woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
