you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
