I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
