what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
