it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
