I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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