he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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