Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Randomize
