I will die if light touches me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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