You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
