I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
