I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize