I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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