3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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