I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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