are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
