I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got chris browned last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
