i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
