he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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