that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
