I just threw up on my dentist
4 words: hood of his car
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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