I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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