I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
