Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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